REACHING OUT—LOOKING IN

Thirty-five years ago, a young man proposed to a young woman; the young man was not Jewish, the young woman was. His family was Protestant; her family belonged to a Conservative Synagogue. She was afraid of her family’s reaction; his family was thrilled they had decided to get married. Her family threatened to disown her; his family was happy to include her. He told his family he was going to become Jewish; they invited her to dinner, and welcomed and embraced them. She told her family he had chosen to become Jewish; her parents decided to meet him. Her father, on the night of the meeting in their home: “Where is this thing I am supposed to meet?” The young man’s decision to become Jewish lowered her family’s angst, but it didn’t disappear. At least, they reasoned, it wasn’t an intermarriage.

While the details may vary, the story is not unusual and is repeated in many homes. Who among us hasn’t been touched directly or through friends by intermarriage? Historically, the Conservative Movement has either railed against intermarriage or ignored it. The Movement has often shunned intermarried families. The end result of these two approaches is the same: we are losing our children and our grandchildren from the Conservative movement and worse, as Jews. Recent history suggests that if intermarried families and their children are not accepted and made to feel welcome in our Synagogues within two generations the children are no longer Jewish.

The United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism and the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs recognize a new, different approach is needed. Acceptance that intermarriage is here to stay and must be recognized is the starting point. This acceptance is by no means an endorsement of intermarriage. It does not mean or suggest in any way we should not expect our children to date and to marry Jews. It is only an acknowledgement that times have changed, and we must adapt to changing times. KERUV, out reach to the intermarried families, to unaffiliated, to under affiliated, and to families in which one spouse has chosen to become Jewish, is a better approach.

In March of 1995, the Leadership Council of Conservative Judaism adopted the following statement indicating the goal of KERUV should be: “The strengthening of Jewish identity among Jews, and affiliation with the Jewish community leading to the establishment of a Jewish home and family in which Judaism is the only religious tradition that is practiced. The target population for keruv should include Jews and their non-Jewish significant others, together with unaffiliated and under-affiliated Jewish families, children of intermarried couples, and people in search of their Jewish roots.”

Northern Hills Synagogue has shown it is possible for families in many different situations, intermarried, under affiliated, Jews by choice, to find a home. The challenge facing us is how to strengthen our approaches so we can continue to attract new families, and to retain families who have joined us. Karroll Miller, who has received training from the Federation of Jewish Men’s Clubs in KERUV, discussed KERUV on Friday night, February 17. Rabbi Barnard attended a Rabbinic think tank on this subject. He spoke on this important topic on Shabbat Morning, February 18.

Read Rabbi Barnard's sermon on KERUV.

Return to KERUV.

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